Dont make me change my mind anymore

Today i was having clinical practise i was shouting scared to be injection..but no choice everyone should have a try..Argh....why tis problem happen to me right now..I have no idea to solve this bother at all..it make me so irritable recently..everyday i pray hard to god help me tis time fail my exam so that i can terminated from the course and my dad no need to pay so much..the problem was i pass my exam with flying colour and out of my expectation...i hope coming exam i fail and i noe that is impossible to me..tis is the lesson to me never hear people advice..actually i really wanna withdraw from tis course but i really dun want my dad pay any single sen for me..so not matter how suffer i have to gone through it..everytime hear something in the grapevine from senior that have to pay too if fail the exam i felt so soli and sad.i dun want let my parent noe that i'm very suffer at here..i told them i'm very enjoying and always show that i am strong..no matter how i will make myself withdraw at tis course..The main purpose i wanna withdraw from tis course b coz i cant hang out,i dont have freedom,not happy as other,and the most thing is i not strong enuff..i can cry out easily when patient pass away..I wanna be like Paris Hilton..i really envy with my sibling coz their are enjoying their life not like me now...suffer and fight for life...when you all come to tis situation you all will understand the feeling...