I promise...

I promise to be strong and i wont crying anymore...that is my promise..ern..after a long break i think i should done sth else...2molo i will drop by kl and soon will going jb...this time really is my 1st time didnt go out at all...fre i had came back since 2 week ago..i didnt call up to tell u all i am back..i'm so soli...

time coming back...

yeah..after 1 week rest totally recover soon...now i found back myself..i really enjoying my days now...the day i left u all behind not because of u all scold me but i really not strong enuff when facing problem..hey buddy dont blame anyone yaeh..i really appreciate u all so much..be cool friend..da best in ur examination..the day the sound of soli u all really touching my heart i never expect that my parent crying too..is 1st time i saw my parent one little of tears in their eyes..i noe that this time i really so touch of the sound of soli..i never keep it in my heart...let forget bout it and become a new life to everyone..i miss and love u all...keep in touch ya...

Butterfly in my stomach..

i noe tat i will going back later but i still perplexity..i dunno y...i really cant sleep..my dad ask me dont worry so much now jus relax but i really cant make it...i had trying my best but i really cant make it....

The one I appreciate alot...

Daddy u r the one who understand me so much...I really so proud to be ur daughter...u really never scold me and ask me forget bout it and dont think about tat money anymore..u noe tat i doesnt happy at all and i really suffer..I never tell you anything but u really can feel out my feeling..Thanks you alot keep on support me and encourage me when i in trouble..and the word u told me i will always memorise it..actually u really no need pay for me let me suffer here wad for u pay for it..the answer tat u told me because "YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER" and if i am not happy he wont felf happy at all...Everytime he calling me and say...hey...let me be the superman save you la..the word he tell me really touching me..i really very uptight..and felt so soli...and 2molo i will leave i hope i had make my right way tis time and dont turn back...

The sound of insomnia

Now the time showing 6am..for me usually i sleep well in tis time.but now i cant sleep..Recently I really no idea wad am I doing...I had faced tis problem that is stress...I really felt uncomfortable at all..My heart bit faster and faster out of normal range...I scared everyone around me and I cant even sleep I had trying my best to slepp but I really cant make it...
I am getting tried and tried..Tomorrow I will leaving coz i cant stay with the stress..is very difficult for me to share with you all the feeling...suffer suffer suffer......HELP ME...

The power of solitude...

Do I need a moment alone?

A women wants to be asuperwomen from superwomen,Stevie Wonder.Life can be awfully tough.I was juggling being a student nurses and a daughter.Then it hit me.I was frustrated about not being the ideal student.
Seeing how discourage I was,a colleague offered a more.Is actually about a different phase in a girl life.My mistake was trying to be everything an idae student was all at once.I needed to accept who I was,to accept I was human.
A long time ago,I though I could be everything I wanted to be,for myself and for other.But it wasn't long before life started to wear me down.
Here's the thing.We get little reminders of how overload ourselves and we should actually listen.
Today,received a call I had knoe everything.This bother really make me so down on it and i really really no idea how to solve it.The word of "STRONG" show to me to this time I cant make it..I had trying my best to be strong but I fall.Everytime i hear the sound of friend,family,relative,tutor,and human voice it make me scared of everyone.I hope that if I'm giving opportunity I really wanna be alone just a moment.What wrong with me now?????? People around me telling me not to think about it,soon it will make me crazy.I'm getting tried and tried nowaday.Started from now I keep on telling myself not to cry anymore and it make my eye getting bruises.."ONE LITTLE OF TEAR"...I'm so soli...

Dont make me change my mind anymore

Today i was having clinical practise i was shouting scared to be injection..but no choice everyone should have a try..Argh....why tis problem happen to me right now..I have no idea to solve this bother at all..it make me so irritable recently..everyday i pray hard to god help me tis time fail my exam so that i can terminated from the course and my dad no need to pay so much..the problem was i pass my exam with flying colour and out of my expectation...i hope coming exam i fail and i noe that is impossible to me..tis is the lesson to me never hear people advice..actually i really wanna withdraw from tis course but i really dun want my dad pay any single sen for me..so not matter how suffer i have to gone through it..everytime hear something in the grapevine from senior that have to pay too if fail the exam i felt so soli and sad.i dun want let my parent noe that i'm very suffer at here..i told them i'm very enjoying and always show that i am strong..no matter how i will make myself withdraw at tis course..The main purpose i wanna withdraw from tis course b coz i cant hang out,i dont have freedom,not happy as other,and the most thing is i not strong enuff..i can cry out easily when patient pass away..I wanna be like Paris Hilton..i really envy with my sibling coz their are enjoying their life not like me now...suffer and fight for life...when you all come to tis situation you all will understand the feeling...

recently in mope...

after make up my final decision i started put a side all my book..i never touch my book at all la..i really wanna to fail my exam in order to drop from this course..but i still get high mark...
everyone scared to fail but i scared to pass...i felt so mope of myself coz doing nothing..but i had no choice..i have to do so..i thinks i should buy some story book..my peer buddy always share with me bout how proud their relationship with their beloved..actually i noe that is very proud to stay with someone you love but how to others how still single..it make me so envy about that...but i believe that i will found someone later soon...as i noe that "LOVE IS BLIND"...some to those who still single dont worry about love you all might will him or her soon...appreciate everyone around you...

I must wait for the sunrise.

ern..after making my decision i am isomia last night i cant even sleep well keep on turning and turning around the bed..tis is really 1st time to me.i keep on asking myself sleep close the eye but i still cannot.yest nite was freezy nite i supposed to sleep well..actually i'm burn out yest night but how come i still cant sleep..hopefully tis time i make my right decision giving up take other course tat i really enjoying..i have to wait untill next year..i can contribute anything but tis time cannot contribute my life without enjoying now...i just wanna be myself..soli everyone ya..actually i really wanna thanks my dad alot he really understanding me so much he noe tat i cant make it he never scold or gamble me..he just ask me stop it if u doesnt happy at all..y u wanna so suffering..and my family member,uncle and aunty i should hear u all de advice last time..i am so soli for letting everyone down...soli soli...yeah..i will be turning back soon myself talk as much as i can i wont keep quiet tis time when u all meet me...

My final decision...

As I am writing this now, I feel confused, I feel lost, I feel helpless, I feel frustrated.. I really wish there would be someone here to talk to me and give me some advice as I have no idea what’s happening around me..few min ago it really make up my mind that i going to give up tis time...i am loser..it might be good for me and everyone around me..i noe that after i make my decision on nursing alot people change my mind but i did accept everyone opinion..i always though i am right but the answer show that no...soli lecture and clinical practise ya..i just wanna be myself going school with jean,shirt,skirt and high heel shoe girl...i not really like to wear uniform going sch o work i really hate it...sometime no freedom at all...i am a girl like to hang out..walk around the world..tis is me..yeah no need fight for cross and waiting people to died..huh...i hate other who alwayas fight for it...next year onward i am going sch with sth i really like it..so far i guess i wont tell anyone i want them noe that how u all treat me b4 tis and i will forgive u all but i wont forget how u all treat me...i want everyone regret how u all treat me and no one will be silly helping u all do any coursework or presentation anymore...ahah...

All alone in the moonlight...

saturday life to me now nothing special anymore...i still have to wake up early in the morning go for my class..sometime i really felt very tried i need so space and human need holiday..after class some friend are invite me go for my friend birthday celebration..actually i noe tat their need me to share the present and pay for the food..tis time "NONO" I wont do this ridiculous action anymore I wont pay for it...somemore their are look a gift horse in the mouth always expect people buy expensive present..huh...Now i started turn my tail off..i wouldn't go out with anyone else..although go for my dinner 2nite i will going alone to kfc..kinda miss the chicken there..argh tis time exam is very tough and tough..i doesnt do well tis time i drop almost 25marks...started from now i have to work harder and harder..to achieve my goal.i should pull up my shock now..now i plan to go oversea after my course..if i am giving tis opportunity i want to be sophisticated girl...ahah...get to and buy my kfc and is going down-pour soon....i believe in predestination..i will achieve wad i wanna...

nook life..

Open the door and look outside down-pour recently..the sound of thunder storm make me fighten..ern is going 1week i didnt go for my dinner...aneroxia la..after holiday i dont have any mood to study at all...recently addicted by computer and going soon be come mouse potato...haiz...i should allocate my time well right now...actually i'm curious to know that why i change alot..totally different from last time...now i dont even talk more that 10 words...last time i'm chatter box i can talk craps and grandmother story from morning to night but now i really cant...argh wad wrong with me..I dislike in a big group i like to be alone and solitude.i am nook i turn my tail off when their trying invite me hang out.I just need someone that understanding..whose noe that...

Think of love...

Think Of Love…
Everytime
i knew i love you
like a rose.
Have i told you lately
How do i live
Without you
What can i do?
Right here waiting!
That”s why (you go away)
Please forgive me
I still believe
Heaven by your side
There you’ll be
It must have been love
Forever in love
May i love you?
The reason
I pray...

but come to love i really is a loser..Sometime it make me so desperate for one...

This time I dunno how to face this problem...

oh my god...I just knoe that I same ward with the kaki bully...I guess my lecture purposely put both of us in the same ward..because she wanna see cooperation between our group...I knoe she might scolded and bully by her...argh...how come this problem falt on me...2day class started i yawn most of the lecture boring...god please help and bless me...she wont bully me again...:(

Home Away From Home...

Haiz..I still in holiday and homesick mood..I just reach my hostel..This time I really very enjoy my holiday so much...After this I dont have any holiday anymore have to wait until December..Everytime when wanna leave home I have to be more independent..Started from now I have to make my own laundry,eat my meal alone,do thing alone...haiz...Tomolo onward I have to wake up at 5am...and take bath in cold water..haiz...the most important is I cant hang out..and I have to be back before 8pm..in this one week holiday I guess most of the nite I come back at 12am..but now 8pm..I really "HATE" school time...My class have alot kaki bully...and when need my help only talk and treat me good..I always go to class with unhappy feeling...but lucky I still have some good friend la...their really support me when I am down..Thnaks buddy ya...tomolo exam and have to hang up the course work...argh...2nite have to burn the midnight oil...I didnt study at all la...how to go for exam...:(

Toils feeling...

Argh 2molo going back laio I dont feel going bac at all..I miss my little PyPY..Since tis few month I have faced alot problem and i not dare to speak out...I dunno who should i share my feeling with..is too difficulty to find someone that understanding..Now I wanna to share bout my feeling in tis few month...I sad most of the time..I not strong enough...I can cry out easily...Actually I am cry over a spilled milk now..I had chosen my wrong journey..I supposed listen to my parent advice but I am too sturborn...once i had make my decision that is my final decision I wont care..i am wrong now.I supposed go for my degree course.now I realise not easily become a nurse.Once the journey had started keep on moving untill you achieve the goal of life.I understand ur feeling even though there have a urturn for me.I wont look back.I noe u willing spend more for me to get out from this college but I will continue my course althought I not really like this course.No matter how i will continue till end of this 10 years.Now I really wanna share about nurses life here,really not easy to become a nurse.First thing I want to share about my roommate.She is too weird because she dont understand me and the thing she do total different with us.Now I realise actually the most people that help me alot is her.Above is her picture..

Get to know me well...

Hello...First of all,I am quiet happy coz finally I am free to share my feeling here.Actually I'm plainning open my blog since long time ago but time are limited from me la..Ern...I guess everyone know who am I rite...I think no need to introduce myself anymore la..I founded my life is too complicated and I not prefect enough..Looking forward to hera from u all ya...^^